Episode Negative 3 and a Half
by WillowVilya
Summary: The first regime of females brave and insane enough to join the Jedi, this is their wacky story.
1. Chapter 1

A blessing! A blessing from the Lord! A story made only for fan fiction. Disclaimer: We only own  
the weird ones.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Beth and Kay  
  
They were the first regime of females in Jedi History and this is there insane story...  
  
"What in the heck was that?!?" A random voice called out as two shadowed figures approached  
through a cloud of smoke. The evil doers on the HMS Hemorrhoid eased back from the table where  
they had been eating an evil brunch.  
  
"What in heck's bathroom was that?" Beth asked.  
  
"Uh. Sorry. You know what intergalactic burritos do to me." Kay replied.  
  
"Jesus Burritos?"  
  
"That just doesn't sound kosher."  
  
"What does kosher have to do with it?" She scowled as she glanced at the appalled rebel leaders  
sitting before her.  
  
"What do we have here?"  
  
"The rebel leaders from Sector 5."  
  
"I knew that."  
  
"Then why did you ask?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"No. You ." A dark man rose from his seat.  
  
"You cannot stop us!" He screamed.  
  
"Believe what you want." Kay replied drawing her light saber, Beth followed suit. Four rebels rose  
to the floor brandishing guns. With quick flips of the girls wrists the guns lay in pieces on the floor.  
The rebels edged backwards realizing how deep in trouble they actually were.  
  
"Shall you go quietly?" Beth asked. The fearful zealots sadly raised there arms in surrender. Beth  
turned to whisper to Kayla, she giggled. "Ok." Beth reached into her robes and whipped out a  
permanent marker, which caused the rebels to scream.  
Kay and Beth marched into the council room with triumphant smiles on their faces their prisoners  
slowly trudging behind them with gloomy expressions and big red goofy mustaches painted onto  
there faces.  
  
The council * which as of the moment only consists of Yoda and Mace Windu* arched their  
eyebrows questioningly.  
  
"What this is I ask?" Yoda rasped curiously. Beth cleared her throat.  
  
"Master, we have uh."  
  
"Apprehended."  
  
"Yes, we have apprehended the Rebel leaders that we were assigned to find; and err dealt with them  
accordingly." Mace Windu frowned.  
  
"The moustaches were a unique touch."  
  
"SHE DID IT! IT WAS HER IDEA!"  
  
"KAY!"  
  
"Don't worry about it." Windu leaned back into his chair. "We have another mission for you."  
  
"WHOO HOO HAWAII!"  
  
"No, Beth." Beth sniffled and curled into a fetal position. "Some of the other Jedi of the temple have  
already been assigned to suppress rebellions on the planet Molokai."  
  
"Molokai?"  
  
"Polynesian decent the planet has." Yoda rasped.  
  
"Who is already there?" Kayla asked yearning to join Beth in dancing and chanting Molokai over  
and over.  
  
"Megan Rice and Rachel Beetly."  
  
*Stayed tuned until tomorrow kids, where I may or may not decide to post another glorious  
chapter...* 


	2. Chapter 2

"Noo!" Kay fell to the floor.  
  
"You mean Rachel the ultimately annoying?" Beth asked ignoring Kay writhing in the floor.  
  
"The same." Windu nodded gravely.  
  
"Great help, Rice needs, go soon you must." Yoda said.  
  
"I thought we were helping with the rebellion?" Beth said.  
  
"We just thought that sounded good." Windu said sheepishly, "You will be helping with Rachel."  
He and Yoda began to laugh evilly as Beth and Kay were ejected from the council room by  
androids.  
  
***  
  
"No! Don't make me go!" Amanda cried as she was cornered by Beth and Kay in her chambers.  
  
"You must, we need you." Beth said trying to persuade her.  
  
"If you refuse, we will have to sentence you to serving Candy the Hut." Kay threatened.  
  
"I'LL GO!!!" Amanda agreed fervently.  
  
"Good, we leave at dawn."Kay said.  
  
"Do you know where we can find Liz?" Beth asked referring to their teacher, the very first female  
Jedi known.  
  
"Down at the pub, that's where she usually is." the left Amanda to pack and headed to the pub.  
They found their former professor sitting at a dimly lit bar sipping on a flaming orange concoction.  
  
"Liz Walsh?" Kay asked of the woman dressed in dark leather in front of her.  
  
"That's me. What do you want?" She said coolly.   
  
"We need you to assist us on our mission." Beth said bringing a flask of ginger ale out from under  
her robes and taking a sip.  
  
"What kind of mission?" asked Liz with a mild curiosity.  
  
"We are assigned to disband the rebels on planet Molokai." Kay answered bringing her own flask of  
chocolate mil to her lips.  
  
"Molokai?"  
  
"It's of Polynesian descent."  
"All right, when do we leave?"  
  
"Dawn, meet us in the ship hangar." Beth said. They left to pack.  
  
***  
  
At dawn of the next morning, Beth woke up to a strange noise. It sounded somewhat like nails on a  
chalkboard. She thought for a moment before realizing what it was. Kay was singing in the shower.  
  
"Odd," Beth thought, " Her room isn't even on this floor."  
  
*Ta Da* 


	3. Chapter 3

Three young women stood in the entryway of the hangar, waiting.  
"Where is she?" Kay demanded annoyed, her dark hair took on a red tinge.*Beth and Kay come  
from a special planet, with a special trait, mood changing hair.*  
  
"She'll be here soon." Amanda assured her. She shifted in a green poncho with sequins glued on.  
*Amanda was always special.* A figure strolled in, wearing dark leather.  
  
"Finally," Beth said exasperated, "Where were you?"  
  
"Don't get your panties in a twist, my deskbot forgot to wake me." Liz drawled.  
  
"Fine...Lets load up then." They walked up the ship's ramp, their bags trailing behind them. When  
they reached the main lobby of the ship, Liz screeched to a halt.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!" She screamed, for laying a pilot chair was a giant white striped, orange snake.  
She began to shake.  
  
"Calm down! That's my baby." Kay said stroking the big snakes head, it purred revealing a small  
forked tongue.  
  
"I hate snakes," Liz said. "I can't do this."  
  
"Don't worry, he is a Vegetarian."  
  
"Take him to your room, at least."  
  
"Fine." Kay grumbled. "C'mon Zith, let's go." She led the snake to the storage bay.  
  
"And not on my bed!" Liz yelled as an afterthought.  
  
***  
They reached the small pinkish planet of Molokai by the next morning with an android named Katie   
piloting them. It wasn't too bed except for the fact that this particular android would not shut up,  
especially about some other android named Scott. *Mwahaha* Beth brought up a holographic map.  
  
"So, where are we headed?"  
  
"To Molokai." Katie responded. Beth rolled her eyes.  
  
"WHERE on Molokia?"  
  
"The capital." Liz said.  
  
"Oh," Beth wandered off into the cargo bay, where she began levitating and flying in circles singing  
in Hawaiian. "Olalakaua he imoa..."  
  
"Jesus Casserole!" Amanda exclaimed.  
"Shut up! I'm singing!"  
  
"La la la!" Kay began to sing with her.  
  
"No my song!" Beth threw a fit in midair.  
  
"Son of a bitch!" Liz yelled hitting the gravity button in the cargo bay, causing Beth to crash to the  
floor.  
  
"Eck!" Beth hollered hitting the ground. "Brother bought a coconut, bought it for a dime..."  
  
"Stop with the singing before I kill you."  
  
"Look Liz! Zith is behind you!" Amanda said. Beth ran to it.  
  
"Don't hug the snake." Katie advised.  
  
"Aww."  
  
Katie and Liz scared skeptically at the young girls as they began to roll around. "I will never  
understand you all, I thought you were on a mission." Katie said.   
  
*Penis...* *Beth steals pen from Kay's hand.* *poo* 


End file.
